LAKE FOREST, Calif. (PD) — At an early age, Cindy learned to feel shame toward her body. First, her body developed faster than that of most of her friends, which made her feel different and receive a lot of teasing from classmates.
Then, a friend's father sexually molested her. Cindy carried that guilt and shame throughout her life. Her decisions, choices, and reactions all stemmed from the negative feelings.
It wasn't until many years later that she turned to God and was able to admit publicly what happened to her as a child and acknowledge that it was not her fault.
"Not only was it not my fault, but it in no way defined who I was," she said. "God did love me unconditionally and accepted me as I was."
Physical, emotional, and sexual abuse affects an overwhelming number of women and children throughout the
But through a biblically based recovery program that started at Saddleback Church 15 years ago, thousands of women are finding freedom from their abuse-filled past.
Penny, one such woman, facilitates a Celebrate Recovery group for women recovering from abuse in
"The drink made me feel better about myself, and I wasn't poor little abused Penny anymore," Penny said. "It became my way out. It became my salvation."
Drinking and getting drunk led to a life of dishonesty and deceitfulness and was Penny's only way she found to cope with life. Before her first marriage, Penny said her husband-to-be started to get abusive with her. Because she had already entered into an intimate relationship with him, she felt the couple should marry. Life, she said, was fine for awhile, until she gave birth.
"Things started to get more abusive and not only did the physical abuse continue, but he started abusing me sexually as well," Penny said. "I couldn't tell anyone. I thought it was my entire fault and once again turned back to the only way I knew how to cope and that was through alcohol."
With her life continuing to spiral downward, Penny became pregnant for the second time after being sexually assaulted. The marriage ended, and she terminated the pregnancy. From there, her life was full of debauchery and alcohol blackouts. A second marriage while in an alcoholic blackout, and later a serious car accident, crashed her world. Penny became depressed, immersed herself more into alcoholism, and developed an addiction to pain killers.
God intervened in Penny's life in 1999, when after a minor car accident, she ended up in the hospital. Sent to rehab, Penny surrendered.
"I was sick and tired of fighting this alone. I cried out to God to get me out of this back hole that I was in and gradually, he did," Penny said.
After Penny worked through a secular 12-step program and then a Christian recovery group, she started rebuilding her life.
"Through Jesus, I have been set free and what a wonderful freedom to know that I am loved, I belong, I'm forgiven, and I'm healed and that I have been made whole in him," she said. "The verse Romans 8:1 has become a central part of my recovery. I no longer was ashamed or embarrassed by my past."
Through studying The Purpose Driven Life in church, Penny learned of Celebrate Recovery. She bought the kit and the Life Recovery Bible, got two other people in her Salvation Army corps enthused and attended a training conference with John Baker, founder of Celebrate Recovery.
"I had discovered my purpose and why God had brought me through it all and my passion was even more ignited," she said. "Now, two years later, Celebrate Recovery in Rockingham is blossoming."
Bridget didn't think she had a problem when a friend asked her to become a trainee leader in the Celebrate Recovery group for women who had been abused physically, emotionally, and sexually.
"At that stage, I was very unhappy with my life, but I did not consider myself as controlled or abused," the Australian woman said. "And there was certainly nothing wrong with me, either."
Bridget has led and participated in the Women in Recovery for Physical/Sexual/Emotional Abuse group for several years. She said the group helped her overcome denial about her situation.
"Talking things over with others helps me to think and clarify the situation," she said.
"It combats self-pity by putting my situation in perspective when listening to the stories of other women. Serving others keeps the focus off of myself."
The group Bridget facilitates typically has 10 to 12 women attending and is a part of a network of Celebrate Recovery programs started by Keith and Vivienne Lehmann in
"Many women have been able to work through significant abuse issues over the years," he said. "By working the 12 steps, they have been able to forgive perpetrators, many have recovered from depressive illnesses caused by the abuse and others have been able to re-establish meaningful relationships in dysfunctional marriages."
Celebrate Recovery officials rewrote the 12 steps for this small group after they discovered those steps didn't fit. The abuse happened to them, not because of their choices or their actions. John Baker said that, where others in CR work on personal character defects and the effects caused by them, a survivor of abuse is dealing with character defects that are a result of abuse of which they were a victim. Since the abuse happened to them, they work on forgiving those who hurt them. The steps deal with "renouncing a lie" that the abuse was their fault, and deals with the shame and guilt they often carry.
Like other Celebrate Recovery small groups and step studies, those for women who were victims of abuse provide a safe haven. Carol, a participant at a
"For me, true change required turning my life over to God on a daily basis with the help and support of my fellow strugglers who love me just the way I am," she said.
Recovery, she continued, has been hard work, requiring her to examine herself in ways she had not done so before.
"As I took my inventory, the first list was full of all the people who had hurt me," Carol said. "I had a more difficult time examining my part in those relationships."
Like many women recovering from abuse, Carol said her recovery has been about digging deep to understand and accept her part, confessing it to God, and accepting his forgiveness.
"I will not use the past as an excuse to stay in defeat or to feel sorry for myself," she said. "My past does not have to determine my future. It is time to get on with my life and live it for God."
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