The following story is *not* from a
I want to yell when I look back upon my high school years and view what became the beginning of a devastating eating disorder. I see the person I was and I want to yell, “Stop! There are other choices, other paths to follow! That path was horrible. Please, choose another one!”
At that time I was unable to see any other choices. The pressures and situations I was dealing with in my life led me to one path, which at the start seemed harmless. Little did I know the life-controlling, all consuming effects that path would have on me.
I gained weight and the peer pressure was devastating to me. "I wanted to lose weight because I believed losing weight would solve my problems." In addition, I had to deal with parental pressure, "Are you getting all A's this semester, Laura?" was a typical question from my father. I thought my father would disown me if I got a 'B'.
I started going to Overeaters Anonymous. The girls in the group started talking about dieting, eating, laxative abuse, vomiting and other destructive behaviors like cutting. One of the girls became a good friend and bingeing-buddy.
I soon became suicidal and engaged in slicing my arms with very sharp objects. I learned about hurting myself and it seemed like an answer to some of the pain I was feeling. My counselor found out and admitted me to a psychiatric hospital.
I progressed to a point where she was on 3-4 medications at a time, and her hands would shake as a result. I was often told I was not fat, but in the mirror I saw a fat person. Everyone looks at me and says, 'what a fatso' or 'she's so ugly' -- they never say it out loud but I know they think it.
I was discharged but my battle with bulimia continued. Along with the bulimia I started lying to keep my secret. I reentered counseling and I continued to lie. I couldn't understand why no one could see the pain I felt. I imagine that I hid it pretty well, continuing to laugh and smile. I knew I was hurting my parents, but what I didn't realize was the damage I was causing myself. I can't live with this agony anymore.
Eventually I was forced to call 911 because of intense chest pain brought on by electrolyte imbalances. I thought I was going to die and dropped out of school and spent months going in and out of hospitals for depression, suicide attempts, and the eating disorder.
After trying 15 different medications the doctors suggested ECT (electro-convulsive therapy), commonly known as "shock-therapy". The psychiatrist said, "I don't know what to do with you." I had 6-ECT treatments and remember little. I was at death's door.
I had given my life to Jesus at 15. I knew I needed God, but I always thought that salvation meant I you wasn't going to hell. I didn't know that the Holy Spirit could help me overcome.
I had heard of Mercy Ministries and felt hope rising and was told that I was salvageable and could be free from the eating disorder. My first step was to actually believe that help was possible, that nothing was too hard for God, and that He wanted to heal and restore me. Once I made the choice to trust God, I finally realized that the promises in the Bible were true.
"I was ready to replace the lies with the truth - God's truth."
I began to think about myself differently, and see herself differently. Six months later I left Mercy, free from all medications and free from the torment I had lived all those years and returned to college and finished my bachelors in education. Then I entered graduate school and got a master's in special education. I came full circle and know I am right in the middle of God's plan and purpose for my life.
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